Current mood:

cynical

I can't take it anymore
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is driving me insane! I thought I had gotten to the one thing that would pull me out of the abyss of pain and hate punctuated by moments of hope that make it all worse that I have been experiencing for several years now, but I was wrong. I have nothing more than what I had before with more questions and less answers, more frustration and less comfort, more pain and less sleep. I would rip my life from the clutches of the sadistic being I call God, but I remain a mere mortal. I want to curl up in a ball and die, but that would leave too much for other people to clean up, so I continue on my way to a self-destructive reverie of finally when I don't have to scrounge and scrape to get by. Eventually, one of two things will happen: either I will find happiness in some windfall or finished trial of character and come out on top, or I will flounder and fail in the churning seas of misery that so often have grabbed at me to drown me in the waves of pain I try so hard to ignore. Either way, I'm not done yet and woe is me to have this burden placed upon me. Yeah, yeah, I know, GET OVER IT! I'm trying.