kytikatblak

Ok, so a lot has happened since I last posted. I have a wonderful boyfriend who means the world to me, my father passed away, my maternal grandmother also passed away, I got into USM and start next week, I'm moving into the dorms tomorrow, I got to larp finally when nexus started up, I am a kyti...I am a kyti...oh, and I am a kyti! That's about all right now, and I'm sorry, anjel that I didn't add you or post sooner, I've been running around and enthralled with myspace.

Ok, and stuff. I know it's been almost a month since I updated, but I've been busy to say the least. I am not happy at the moment with my current status, but c'est la vie! I have to go now, but more updates later, I promise.

I know it's been forever since I updated, but that's ok. I'm bored, single again, and stuck doing homework all the time. At least I got to hang out with kaila. I just wish I could go somewhere. I'm done with prcc after this semester, so yay!!

I am proud to say that I had my first sober new years in several years. I spent it gaming and shooting off fireworks. I had much more fun than expected but am craving a long island iced tea. Ah well, I'll get over it. Xeno didn't call me on his birthday, but he didn't call me on christmas either, so what am I to expect? He asked me last time we talked if I would fight for him, but I really don't know what I would be fighting for... his love and devotion? Ha! Don't make me laugh! I'm getting really tired of this. I'll be done with it soon if he doesn't start acting like a boyfriend. I can be really supportive, but this is more than just hard times... this is more like neglect and I already have issues with that from my past. I feel like I am nothing to him but a sheild against his ex. If that's true, then I hope he gets his car back soon so he can come pick up his stuff. I won't be used.

I had a nice Christmas. I found a really neat RP site, www.myrealms.net It takes a few days to be accepted, but it's worth it. The people there are awesome and it's never boring. You can do anything you want (within reason) and the storylines are intricate enough to keep interest within several groups. You can have up to 4 characters on one account, and it's free. I'm on it right now.

I talked to Xeno Thursday night. He was in California for a while with some family difficulties. He hasn't called me since. He did the whole "I'll call you when I get off work" thing and never called me. He's gotten pretty good at that. It's what he's done the last 5 or 6 times I've talked to him.

Oh, well. I feel better, though. I'm getting my gaming fix. I want to larp, though. I did meet a guy from Egypt, though. He's helping me with my arabic. He wants to come to the states, but he has to wait until he gets out of school. All in all, I'm having a good holiday.

I now have a place to put all of my really neat song lyrics, so I got some from the system of a down website. I've been wondering what they said for a while and I finally looked. I got really bored.

B.Y.O.B.
Why do they always send the poor


Barbarisms by Barbaras
With pointed heels
Victorious victories kneel
For brand new spankin' deals


Marching forward hypocritic and
Hypnotic computers
You depend on our protection
Yet you feed us lies from the tablecloth


Everybody's going to the party have a real good time
Dancing in the desert blowing up the sunshine


Kneeling roses disappearing into
Moses' dry mouth
Breaking into Fort Knox stealing
Our intentions


Hangers sitting dripped in oil
Crying freedom
Handed to obsoletion
Still you feed us lies from the tablecloth


Everybody's going to the party have a real good time
Dancing in the desert blowing up the sunshine


Everybody's going to the party have a real good time
Dancing in the desert blowing up the sunshine


Blast off
It's party time
And we don't live in a fascist nation


Blast off
It's party time
And where the fuck are you?


Where the fuck are you?
Where the fuck are you?


Why don't presidents fight the war?
Why do they always send the poor?


Why don't presidents fight the war?
Why do they always send the poor?


Why do they always send the poor?
Why do they always send the poor?
Why do they always send the poor?


Kneeling roses disappearing into
Moses' dry mouth
Breaking into Fort Knox stealing
Our intentions


Hangers sitting dripped in oil
Crying freedom
Handed to obsoletion,
Still you feed us lies from the tablecloth


Everybody's going to the party have a real good time
Dancing in the desert blowing up the sunshine


Everybody's going to the party have a real good time
Dancing in the desert blowing up the sun


Where the fuck are you?
Where the fuck are you?


Why don't presidents fight the war?
Why do they always send the poor?


Why don't presidents fight the war?
Why do they always send the poor?


Why do they always send the poor?
Why do they always send the poor?
They always send the poor
They always send the poor

I'll get some more. I don't care if it crowds up my journal.

My final final is finally over! All I want to do is read and game, but all of the good gaming chats are gone and my gaming group is now mostly in florida and alabama. Oh woe is me!! I still haven't heard from Xeno since last saturday. I'm wondering if I should just give up. I don't think he cares at all any more. Maybe he's found a pretty girl to dote on and just forgot about me. I wonder when he'll ask for his stuff back. I'll hold onto it until then. It's all packed up again. He'll probably ask for it back when he gets his place in Hattiesburg. At least I'll get to see him one more time, maybe not amiably, but it'll be something. I'll just wait and see.

I hate finals. I've had one already and I have three more this week. I failed a makeup test yesterday and I have that final in two hours. I really should be studying like a good little girl, but I don't wanna. I have no chance of making an A in the class anyway even if I do ace the final. I'll have my first C in college. Yay! There goes my GPA! Can you hear the flush? Oh, and did I mention that I hate Christmas music?

I attempted to endulge myself in a much needed mental hiatus when along comes this situation out of which I cannot possibly remove myself. I must rely on the mercy of someone else to get me out. They did, but it still infringed on my pride. I nearly lost everything including my remaining sanity and I'm still waiting for other things to develop to see if I'm in the clear. I will get through, though. Wish me luck.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is driving me insane! I thought I had gotten to the one thing that would pull me out of the abyss of pain and hate punctuated by moments of hope that make it all worse that I have been experiencing for several years now, but I was wrong. I have nothing more than what I had before with more questions and less answers, more frustration and less comfort, more pain and less sleep. I would rip my life from the clutches of the sadistic being I call God, but I remain a mere mortal. I want to curl up in a ball and die, but that would leave too much for other people to clean up, so I continue on my way to a self-destructive reverie of finally when I don't have to scrounge and scrape to get by. Eventually, one of two things will happen: either I will find happiness in some windfall or finished trial of character and come out on top, or I will flounder and fail in the churning seas of misery that so often have grabbed at me to drown me in the waves of pain I try so hard to ignore. Either way, I'm not done yet and woe is me to have this burden placed upon me. Yeah, yeah, I know, GET OVER IT! I'm trying.

I have been BUSY!!! I turned in a research paper, book review, essay, and compositon all in two weeks not to mention 3 tests, 4 quizzes and a poetry project that I still have to present. I know that doesn't seem like a lot, but combined with the stress heaped on me in my personal life, I can barely function. I've been on the brink of a complete psychological breakdown for several weeks, but no one seems to notice or care. C'est la vie. I've been here before, but I never like it. I'm stuck again and this time it will take a miracle to keep me from repeating history.

Welcome to Crunch-Time, ladies and gentlemen, research papers are due, essays become imminent, book reviews bite you in the bum, and makeup tests make you want to throw up. All in all, it is a hectic time, the month before Finals, a hectic time indeed. Wish me luck, me duckies, and all will be well.

I know I haven't updated in about a week but I had a lot going on. I got most of my homework done, but I still have that stupid book review to do for Walsh. I wonder if he'll notice this time that I haven't read the book. It doesn't matter, I don't break any rules. Well, I have to get back to it all, see ya!

Must...finish...homework...today...uh *claws at keyboard* Well, I had a very unproductive weekend. With all of the homework I had to do, you think I would have started on it before today. Most of it is due tomorrow anyway, but nooooo, I had to wait. This is what I get for being lazy. I'll have it done, but I doubt it will be the best. Well, I better get to it.

Hello all, I'm stuck here again just waiting to get out so I can go do nothing for an hour before I have to come back and work for a few more. I'm looking foreward to this weekend being boring and annoying, unless of course, I get to spend it with Emily or Xeno, but that probably means I won't get my homework done. I hate homework, stupid research paper...stupid book review...stupid test...stupid spanish culture clips. I hate it all, and the workbook I have to do before tuesday. Damn it! I forgot about all that. Oh well, I'll get it done.

Well, that weekend didn't happen and neither did the next...or the next, but who can complain? I barely got to see him for a few hours on Halloween. Yes, there's trouble in paradise, but there always will be. It doesn't change my feelings for him, but I am afraid he's losing interest in me. It may just be my imagination or the stress, I don't know. I'll just carry on with the pointless everyday tasks until something noteworthy happens. C'est maou!

Meow meow, meow, meow meow meow, meow, meow. I'm really bored. From geography to civ I to checking my email, and I'm still bored. Xeno hasn't called me today and didn't call me last night like he said he would, but his phone probably died. I really don't know, but hopefully :) I'll get to see him today and maybe even spend the weekend /smile . I really hope so. Well, I have to go now. I have a new hour to do.

Hi, I'm here at last with a live journal of my own (I got off my ass long enough to make an account) and I will attempt to vent my frustrations out on the keyboard (without destroying it this time). Read patiently while I display my pathetic life (my boyfriend excluded because he is the dog's bullocks). I am 19 years old and in college for linguistics. I have no car, live in the dorms, and work for my school as a tutor. I know, I know. I'm actually at work right now, on the clock and am supposed to be helping someone with studying and homework, but I really don't feel like it, so I'm on the computer instead while the people I'm supposed to be tutoring read their chapter for the first time ever, grrrrr. Ah, well, you have my introduction, be happy with it.